You can grow accustomed to an unpleasant situation without realising how unpleasant it was. You do understand its real nature when things seem about to change and you're forced to see them in a different light. Being in a state of crisis gives you the chance of looking at the other side you've been trying to deny (not always unsuccessfully, it should be added). Then you also understand how much you swallowed that you didn't want to eat at all. It boils down to a revelation about yourself: habit has grown into a second skin which has become tighter and tighter and is now threatening to choke you. As long as you live with the automatic pilot on, heading towards nowhere and without even thinking you should head anywhere at all, as long as you don't ask questions, you can't even feel that you're missing anything. The next step is that you unconsciously start believing that it has to be that way and that you have no choice. Then something unexpected happens and you see the emotional freezing you had been living in before. Suddenly there's an added dimension to what you called reality. You should be happy about that and you really are, but there was also something soothing even in a dreary habit. It was soothing as tranquilizers can be: they give you a sort of peace of mind, they erase all conflicts, but at the same time they take away your experience. If you want to live like a robot then you can keep on pretending everything is all right. Unless... unless something unexpected happens. Then you'd rather run, plunge into the deepest sea, crash against the hardest wall, take the kamikaze attitude and go ahead, come what may: anything but the dreary dullness you were in before. At least you have actually done something instead of just being done yourself. If you're bound to lose, it's better losing after fighting than losing beforehand, in anticipation or fear of a future loss.